No return
by BirdInSkies
Summary: I did everything I could to warn them, save them and the Council just turn its back on me. It seems they don't need me to stop the Reapers and I have no intention of coming back. taking place after ME2
1. Chapter 1

A short introduction chapter to my new story I've started writing. It takes place after ME2 and it might not follow ME3's story, I don't really know yet myself. But I think it's an interesting idea and I'll try to make something out of it.

So the main character is **Emilia Shepard** and after she stopped the Collectors, Council still refused to believe the real threat, making it look like all Emilia had done was somehow bad. So she took off, returned to her homeland and became a bounty hunter. But the Reapers are still out there and she won't be able to ignore it for long.

* * *

I lit myself another cigarette, while watching the news, sitting behind one of the empty tables in the bar.

Bars didn't use to be so empty here on Earth, they were always full of people talking, drinking, laughing, at least that's how I remember it. But not anymore. There were three other people beside me and barman, all of them minding their own business.

The news showed the same images as every other day. People were scared of the Reapers, they were trying to prepare for their invasion, but no one knew when that would be.

My lips twitched into a grin when I saw council on the screen above the bar. They were convincing everyone, that this problem would be taken care of, but I guess no one believed them anymore.

But the next piece caught my interest, so I leaned on my elbows, listening closely.

"Every species in the galaxy want the same thing and this is probably the only thing they can all agree on, we need a leader. Behind me, you can see a demonstration taking place right in the Citadel, for giving Commander Shepard back her Spectre status. Commander Shepard, if you are somewhere out there, listening to this, we need you back. This is Emily Wong, coming live from the Citadel."

I held back a bitter laugh. They need me back? They should have thought about that before the Council banished me from the Citadel. I tried to warn them about Reapers, I chased Saren across the galaxy for them, saved hundreds of people from Collectors. They wanted to throw me into jail for that, they were too blind to see the real threat.

Maybe I've made some mistakes, maybe I've sacrificed lives of Batarians, but I did that to save the whole galaxy. They couldn't see the whole picture, they were refusing to see the truth.

And I'm so fucking tired of their attitude. So I did the only thing I could, I ran. Call me a coward, I don't give a damn. I risked my life for them more times than I can count and I am done.

The only thing I regret is leaving my crew behind and Anderson. But somehow I know they can understand my feelings.

I finished my drink and walked outside, into an empty street of New York, where I grew up. This was the first place they looked for me, but all those skills I've learn actually came in handy. I learnt how to disappear like Thane, I learn to anticipate their moves like Garrus could, even Tali's skills in mechanics are making my life easier here.

And not to mention Wrex, I became a bounty hunter right after I came here. It was an easy job and I got a lot of credits from it and you'd be surprised how many jobs I got since I've first started. And not only killing people, sometimes I worked as an investigator, finding people and bringing them back home.

This was my life now and in a crazy, selfish way, I was happy.


	2. Chapter 2

I lived in a small apartment, somewhere in the centre, it didn't matter where, sooner or later I'd have to disappear again. It was easier to lose my persuaders that way, because my change in appearance wouldn't fool all of them. But just changing my whereabouts and appearance didn't always cut it.

I took requests based on the information my clients left in my mailbox. It was an old fashioned way, but it seemed to work perfectly. So I knew that something was wrong when I took out a single photo from the mailbox.

I turned it around, frozen in place when I recognized the person, it was me.

"Shepard." a familiar Turian voice echoed in my ear from behind.

I gave out a disappointed sigh. I didn't need to see his face to know who he was.

"Who found me? Was it Liara? Maybe Miranda, they have their resources. Or was it you, Garrus? You tracked me without involving anyone else?"

"We all did our part, you're not easy to find, Shepard." a soft laugh escaped from his mouth.

"I'm getting good at this." I took out a cigarette box and lighter. If he was surprised to see me smoking, he didn't show it. He wasn't even surprised when I held the lighter close to the photo, setting it on fire and tossing it across the floor where it burnt into ashes.

"So why are you here?" I asked, turning around to face him for the first time. He didn't change at all, he had a new set of armor though, a gray one, which was a bit ironic.

"I came because we're friends, and to tell you that we miss you on the Normandy."

I couldn't hold a laugh. "Then why did they send you?"

"They didn't. I came on my own. Maybe it would've been better if Alenko came though." his eyes trailed the empty walls, avoiding my gaze.

"I'm not coming back, Garrus."

"And I'm not asking you to, but you didn't tell us why you left."

I watched the smoke from the cigarette as it filled the air.

"I found my parents." I said with a sigh, waiting for his reaction, but he only nodded. "My mother is dead, my father lives here, in New York. I'm thinking about giving him a visit."

"That's great, you must be happy." he said, but it was obvious he didn't know how to react.

"When someone needed my help, I always did everything I could for them, it didn't matter that those people or aliens were strangers. It was in my nature. All I asked in return was their fucking support." I raised my voice and Garrus took a step back. "Where were they when Council wanted to accuse me of feeding them false information about Reapers?"

"It's not their fault, the Council just didn't want to believe it, there were scared to believe it."

"And you think I wasn't scared? I led you all across the galaxy to take down Saren and all I cared about was to get you all back in one piece. I led you all into a suicide mission, saving human colonies and I didn't give a damn about my life, once again, all that mattered to me was my crew." I took a breath before continuing. "No one ever asked me how I felt about it. I didn't have a choice, but you could've backed away anytime you wanted. Those lives were in hands, I couldn't fail. But I was scared, frightened of dying, because it happened once already."

I dropped the cigarette to the ground and walked to the walk without putting it out. Garrus didn't move when I walked around him, but his head was down, his eyes on the ground.

"Just leave me the fuck alone." were my last words before I opened the front door and left, leaving Garrus behind.

With my hands in the pockets of the dark coat I was wearing, I started running without realizing it.

This isn't how I wanted it to be, I said something I shouldn't have. It wasn't their fault, damn it, I told myself that so many times. And the whole friendship thing? It was my fault for caring too much, I always made their problems personal.

But what about me? I had my life, too. I had a family and no one asked me if I wanted to find them and meet them. No one asked if I wanted to save the galaxy and maybe I thought it was my duty as a soldier, but to hell with that.

Just once in my life I want to take care of my own business and I sure don't need anybody's help to do it. I'm fine on my own, I'm better off on my own.


	3. Chapter 3

Where do you go when you realize there's nowhere for you to run anymore? Who do you turn to? Or do you just try to get by on your own, struggling to get back on your feet after yet another fall?

After I've turned my back on everyone I knew and trusted, there was nowhere else for me to go. Was I becoming one of them? Was I scared to face the truth, to realize my own mistakes?

I checked the datapad in my hand for the third time, because I refused to believe the truth. The man standing in from of me couldn't possibly be my father. He was barely able to stand on his own feet, but he kept on sipping from the bottle in his hand.

"What? You wanted to meet me, so here I am, your father, Commander Shepard." with every word that came out of his mouth, a stink of alcohol followed.

I watched him with obvious disappointment. He had the same eyes, the same hair color, but does that mean anything?

"If I knew what would become of you, I'd never give you away, little angel." he laughed at his own sarcastic joke. "I could use the money they give you for all your hard work, saving the galaxy and all that shit."

"I see." I gave out a sigh and my lips curved into a grin. "What was I expecting? A caring father who'd welcome me with open arms? How stupid."

I turned around to leave but he stopped me. His grip on my arm tightened as he stumbled, trying to keep his balance. I pulled my arm away, making him back away.

"I want my money." his hand with the bottle in it flew forward, pointing at me. "You're my daughter, you're supposed to give me money, right? You should look after your own father."

"But you are not my father." without looking back, I walked out of his house, lighting myself a cigarette, while trying so hard to pretend I couldn't hear him yelling after me.

I was back in my apartment in an hour, wondering whether I should move out again, but what for? They will find me no matter what I do, the past will keep on haunting me, chasing me. And I will let it, after all, I don't really have anything better to do.

I turned on the tv screen, trying to find something else than Reapers on the news, but no luck. And not long after that, I found a distraction, a knock on my door.

At first, I thought I wouldn't open, thinking that maybe Garrus returned to take me back and somehow that thought made me happy. But then I opened the door and saw a little human girl standing in front of me. She could be around eight years old, with long blonde hair and blue eyes, her clothes were dirty and torn at some places and she was out of breath.

She opened her mouth as if she was going to say something, but I could only hear a soft sob, followed by tears. As her tiny shaking hands stretched towards me, I noticed paper money that she was gripping tightly, money that only humans on Earth kept on using.

"Will you save my mom?" she asked, desperate. "Please, I can pay you."

I knew I'd regret my decision, but helping others was still in my nature and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't change it. Besides the little girl looked exhausted, the least I could do was to let her rest. I moved to the side so she could come inside. She hesitated, but then slowly walked in.

"Why don't you sit down and tell me what happened to your mom?" I said with a smile and she nodded, making her way to the couch in the middle of the room. I grabbed a glass of water from kitchen and sat next to her, offering her a drink.

"My mom is going to fight those monsters." said the little girl when she finished her drink of water and placed the glass on the table in front of her. "She said she wants to protect me, but I don't want her to get hurt."

"Is your mother a soldier?" I asked and the girl shook her head.

"She said that soldiers can't protect everyone and that we all need to fight."

"And you want me to stop her?"

The little girl's eyes focused on me, she was trying so hard to hold back her tears. She nodded and once again held up the money for me to take. I took her hands and pushed them back down, I couldn't possibly take money from a little kid. She looked at me, confused.

"What's your name?" I asked and she said her name was Julia over the tears. "Don't worry Julia, I'll help you, but I don't need money, I'll do it for you, all right?"

Julia's eyes lit up with happiness and relief and before I knew it, she embraced me with her little arms around my neck.

I could already tell that once again, I got myself into a mess I wouldn't get out of so easily.


	4. Chapter 4

Sometimes I could hear voices in my head. It used to be only when I was sleeping, but lately it happened on daily basis. It's been two months since I've left the Normandy and I couldn't get a decent night sleep ever since. I could hear Ashley's voice, see her face back on Virmire, she wasn't afraid to die, but she haunted me, questioning my choices.

I splashed water on my face, wiping all my thoughts and images from my mind. I had other things to take care of now. I couldn't chicken out, there were people who needed my help, or at least one kid who was sitting behind my kitchen table, eating her breakfast.

She gave me a wry smile when I joined her at the table, her plate was already empty. I let her sleep over, her mother didn't have any idea where her daughter was, but I couldn't let her go in the middle of the night, tired and hungry. So she stayed here, but it was time for her to go.

"You ready, kid?" I asked her, finishing my morning cup of coffee. She nodded and ran to the door, waiting as I collected my sidearm and omni tool, the only things that reminded me of my time aboard the Normandy.

Julia lived on the other side of town, getting there took longer than I thought, because of the bad weather. The sky was grey, it looked like it was going to rain, but there was something in the air, something bad and I've known that feeling.

I hurried Julia to find her mother when we arrived. There was no wonder which one was her mother, though, they looked exactly alike.

"Julia, where were you? I was so worried." the mother hugged her child, giving her a scolding for running off like that, but she was happy to see her unharmed.

"I was looking for help." replied Julia, looking at me. Her mother raised her eyes to look at me and for a second, she froze in place. I sighed and cursed silently, guess I really didn't change my appearance hoping no one would recognize me.

"Commander Shepard." she said softly and suddenly, there was an awkward silence. Everyone was looking straight at me.

"I'm hardly a commander anymore." I said, just to break the silence.

"You're here to help us? You're going to fight with us?" said one of the men standing behind me.

I turned around, confused. "Fight with you? Against the Reapers? How do you even know where they are?"

"We don't need to know where they are. They're coming here, to New York." said Julia's mother.

I cursed again. It seems I have to get in the fight whether I like it or not. My eyes found Julia, who was still watching me carefully. I could see hope in her eyes now that she knew who I was. A hero was here to save them, at least that's what they thought. But I'm no longer the hero they once knew.

Someone screamed and pulled me out from my thoughts. I looked at the sky and I understood why, the Reapers were here. I scowled and instinctively took out my sidearm as I watched the massive Reaper landing further ahead. It was getting ready to attack, its gun getting ready to fire.

"Get off the streets, move!" I said, and pushed Julia and her mother away. The Reaper was too far away to see us, so we still had a chance of avoiding it.

When I was sure everyone was safe in the buildings, I took few minutes to think. Sooner or later it would come here as well, we couldn't stay here, but running away would only draw more attention to us. I needed a distraction.

"Is there a place where you can go?" I asked Julia's mother. She nodded. "Alright, you'll take everyone and get out of here when I'm gone, you understand?"

"No, we're going to fight." she replied. "We're done hiding, this is our planet and we're going to protect it."

"Your daughter is the only thing you should be concerned about right now!" I raised my voice. "I don't need you to play heroes, this is not a fight you can win on your own. I'm going to draw it's attention and while I'm at it, you get the fuck out of here."

She nodded after a while, but there were still a few people who refused to leave. I tried a little harder to convince them, but it was no use. So in the end, two vehicles were creating a distraction, while the rest kept low in the buildings, waiting for the right time to escape.

Besides me, there was one driver and three other men in the Mako. They all looked determinate, but deep inside I knew they were scared as hell, because I was, too.

The Reaper noticed us as soon as we closed the distance between us and fired its gun. We made a few successful evasions, but who knows how long can it last. I hurried everyone out, telling them to find cover and shoot everything they saw.

And there was a lot of shooting to do. There were husks everywhere and other things I haven't seen before, haven't fought before. And with only my sidearm, there wasn't lot of damage I could do.

During first fifteen minutes, we lost everyone from the second Mako and two people from our side. The rest was holding, with minor injuries. I had a few scratches myself, but I was more worried about the ammo than my injuries.

I fired my last clip when I heard a call from my omni too. And not only mine, everyone's onmi tools were now blinking with calls from Alliance soldiers. Someone answered, telling them our location and I sighed in relief.

"All right, we're moving back, but be careful, don't let the Reaper target you." I said and the men nodded. We started backing away slowly, shooting with whatever ammo we had left. Few minutes later, we could hear a shuttle coming up from behind us, dodging Reaper's attacks.

In the end, only two of us survived. But as we learned from the soldiers, the rest of the people we were trying to save got away.

I wiped my face with both hands and sat back. My eyes found the little screen on the side of the shuttle. It showed New York. Its buildings were burning, most of the streets were destroyed but luckily, most of the people got away.

"Where are we going?" I asked one of the soldiers after a while.

"Vancouver. Alliance will get you somewhere safe from there." he replied and I nodded, though I wasn't pleased by the idea of seeing the city. I knew who was there, or at least I hoped he would be there. Seeing his face might give me some answers to my questions, or at least a nice wake up punch in the face.


	5. Chapter 5

The only place on Earth I tried to avoid and yet I was right in the middle of it, or at least what was left of it. If I had stayed with the Normandy, I'd probably spend the last month here, in Vancouver.

I left the shuttle, but stayed long enough to see that the man I was with was taken care of. I could see a reporter making her biggest news piece in her whole life, it wasn't every day you see Reapers attacking your city. I ignored her, trying to bury my face into the coat I was wearing so she wouldn't recognize me.

"You just missed the Normandy, Shepard." said a familiar voice right beside me. I jumped in surprise and turned my head to meet Anderson's gaze. But his attention was back at his omni tool, I guess with the Reapers attacking, he had a few things to take care of, things I should've been doing right now.

"That's too bad." I replied sarcastically. "What's the situation here?"

Anderson stopped in his tracks and looked at me, anger and confusion in his eyes. "Are you asking that just because it's polite or because you actually care?"

I avoided his gaze. "It's my planet as much as yours, of course I care."

"It's bad." he gave out a heavy sigh. "Really bad. You picked a wrong time to disappear, Shepard. Council could probably use your advice, maybe they'd finally listen."

"Screw the Council, I'm done with them."

"You think this is about you Shepard? The galaxy needs to unite against the Reapers-"

"It's not about me." I said, interrupting him before he could finish. "That's exactly my point, Anderson. My job, whatever that was supposed to be, let someone else do it, I'm sure they can handle it. If you need my help, I'll do whatever I can, but I'm not going back."

"Then there's nothing you can do." replied Anderson and the disappointment I heard in his voice hit me harder than I thought it would. "Goodbye, Shepard."

He turned around and I could only watch him walk away without looking back. Anderson was always like a father to me, father which I thought I didn't have. Seeing him leave like this, it didn't feel right.

In the end, Garrus was right. You can't count on Council to do the job, there are always too many laws in the way, too many regulations you can't break. But that doesn't matter now, we're at war. As long as we win it, who gives a shit about how we do it?

I was on my way back to the shuttle when I heard a woman's voice from behind me. I sighed and continued walking, but the urgency in her voice made me stop and I turned around, annoyed.

"I knew it, you're Commander Shepard." said the reporter and I fought the urgency to clap my hands. "I have a few questions, first, are you going back to active duty?"

I gave out another sigh. "I'm not a commander anymore and no, I'm not going back."

"I see, but you are going to fight the Reapers, am I right?"

I played with the lighter in my hand before I lit myself a cigarette. It became my habit real quickly.

Seeing as I didn't answer, the reporter asked again: "Commander Shepard?"

"I am and anyone who wants to join me is welcome, I'm taking the Earth back."

"And is there something you'd like to say to the Reapers?"

I drew the smoke from the cigarette and looked at the camera. "Get the fuck off my planet."

The reported seemed surprised by my answer, but I didn't wait for her to process it. I walked away, my lips curving into a grin as I played the interview over and over again in my head.

I couldn't let this go, this was my home, these were my people, counting on my, our help. The least I can do, was to do whatever it takes to fight back. I needed my reason to fight, I needed to find my way again and I could do that by uniting whatever friends I had left in the galaxy, though without the council's support, without ship and crew, this was going to be hell of a challenge.

But I say bring it on, I'm not going to crouch in the corner, sulking, anymore. I'm ready to fight for what's mine.


	6. Chapter 6

I wanted to give my thanks to all those that are reading this story. I still don't know how long will it last or what will happen in the end, but that's what makes it exciting. So I hope you'll keep reading and thanks again.

* * *

The Citadel, so peaceful at the time of war. It was so much different from what I've seen on Earth. There was no way Council could understand, no way would they help protect our home and still, if it was their planet, wouldn't they do the same?

What was I really doing here? Why was I so interested in the outcome of the meeting? At first I was surprised to see that Normandy was really here, somehow seeing her in the docking bay made my heart jump with excitement. On the other hand, I was afraid I'd see my crew here. I was afraid of what they'd say to me, what they would think about my disappearance.

But even after I left the elevator on the embassies level, I couldn't see anyone. The meeting was probably being held right now, there was nothing I could do except wait. So I stood in front of a window, looking at the Citadel, thinking what they would do if the war started here.

I was so lost in my thoughts, that I didn't notice a man staring at me from other side of the room. When I finally turned my head to meet his gaze, he started walking towards me. I didn't recognize him, I've never seen him in my life before, but considering his alliance military clothing, there was no doubt that he was a soldier.

"Commander Shepard." saluted the man. I wondered when everyone would stop calling me commander. "Lieutenant James Vega, it's an honor to meet you, finally."

"The pleasure's mine lieutenant, but you shouldn't call me commander, I'm just a civilian now."

"That's bullshit, ma'am. Everyone on the ship still calls you commander." he explained. "I saw you in that interview on Earth, that was pretty awesome, what you said I mean."

I gave out a laugh. "Yeah, I guess I wasn't really thinking back there."

"I'd say the same thing. Besides, it gave people on Earth some hope. They all seemed to lose it after you disappeared. But now that you're back, we can take the fight to them. You're more than welcome on the Normandy again."

"You serve on Normandy?" I asked, confused.

He nodded. "Yeah, Admiral Anderson pulled some strings and got me there."

"Then you must be one hell of a soldier." I gave him a wry smile, but he seemed to disagree. He opened his mouth as to say something, but I noticed that the meeting was over and a man, not much older than me, walked towards the elevator. But he wasn't alone.

The last time I saw Kaidan Alenko was on Horizon, when I was working with Cerberus. He thought I betrayed him, betrayed everything he and I believed in. And I haven't seen him ever since. But now, all of a sudden, he was standing few steps away from me, looking at me like I was a ghost.

"Well, what a surprise." the other man blocked my view of Kaidan. Now that he was standing right in front of me, I realized that he was a head taller than me. His short hair was raven black, same as his cold eyes. I could tell that he was looking down on me, probably laughing at me deep inside.

"I didn't think I'd have a chance to meet you in person, Shepard. I'm the new Commander, Alex Northway." he introduced himself and his lips twitched with a grin, but he held it back.

If he thought I was going to fall for his act, he didn't know the new Emilia Shepard. I stretched out my hand with a smile and when he took it, I didn't let go.

"How did the meeting go, commander? No wait, let me guess, they refused to help you in any way, didn't they?" I saw the look in his eyes change, so that meant I was right. I let go of his hand.

"Don't worry, Shepard. I'm not a coward like you, I won't run away because Council refused to lend me their toys." I turned around to leave, but stopped and faced me once again. "I'll make them see that I'm better than you and they won't have a choice."

His last words were quiet, meant only for my ears. I was so ready to wipe that smug expression of his, but I held back. With a corner of my eye, I could see that James was also doing his best not to punch him in the face. I quietly watched the new commander as he entered the elevator and Kaidan followed.

He didn't even look at me, he didn't give me a chance to explain, though I think he wouldn't understand anyway. I turned my head back to James, wondering why he was still here.

"I'll catch up to them later. There's something you need to know." he said, getting my attention. "But not here, meet me at the bar later, I'm buying."

He didn't give me a chance to say anything, he was gone before I could stop him. I sighed. Maybe I shouldn't go, I can only guess what he'd talk to me about. Coming back to the Normandy maybe? Garrus wasn't enough to bring me back, did he think he could do it? Well, either way, I was getting interested.

Besides, I didn't have anywhere to go, nor had I a way of getting there. I didn't have a ship, I got here with Alliance soldiers, but I don't think they'd stick with me for any longer, they had their own problems. So until I found a new ship, I was stuck here anyway.

But before I could figure out my next step, I was approached by another former teammate. She caught up to me near docking bays, looking behind her shoulder the whole time as we spoke. At first I thought it was because she worked for Cerberus before, but that wasn't the real problem.

"He's hunting you? That man has gone completely mad." I shook my head. I couldn't really say I knew Illusive Man, but this was going too far. And not only that, Miranda had more to worry about than Illusive Man and his assassins.

"Honestly, I'd do the same thing, considering how much information about Cerberus could be leaked out. But that's not the only thing I'm worried about Shepard. It's about Oriana." Miranda's eyes shifted to the ground, her voice was quiet.

"Did something happen to her?" I asked and Miranda shook her head. "Where is she?"

"That's the problem, I don't know. But I'm close to finding out." she said, raising her head.

"I could help you, I'm more of a freelancer now."

"I appreciate your concern Shepard, but this is something I have to do alone."

"But if something happens, you let me know." I tried to find my disappointment. Somehow I was missing all the action. Miranda said her goodbye and left, disappearing in shadows.

The only thing now was to hope for good news from Lieutenant James Vega. After that, I guess I should find my ride back to Earth. The fight was there after all and I needed to get into it.


	7. Chapter 7

"Commander, glad you could make it." James greeted me with a wide smile on his face, offering me a seat right next to him at the bar.

"Could you stop with the commander shit?" I sighted, watching the barman take two beers, placing them in front of us.

"Lola then, that sounds about right."

"Lola?" I couldn't hold back a laugh.

"You kinda look like a Lola." was his answer and I didn't question it anymore. Anything was better than commander. He then raised his bottle, making a toast, probably sealing the deal with my new nickname.

I take out a cigarette box, half empty by now. "So, what did you want to talk about?" I asked and offered him one.

"Thanks." he took a cigarette and waited while I lighted it for him. "That Asari doctor from the Normandy, what's her name, Liara? She found blueprints for a weapon, a Prothean weapon, on Mars."

"Well, that's great. But why are you telling me this? It's not like I'm part of the crew anymore, though, don't get me wrong, those are really great news." I explained when he looked at me with confusion.

James shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. I thought you'd want to know, I mean, kicking Reapers' asses was always your job."

I laughed and nodded. "Yeah, I guess you're right. But you said she found blueprints, so that means it still needs to be built. How long will it take?"

"I don't know, I'm not really into that technical stuff, but it's massive."

"So it's gonna take a while, I get it." I added and he nodded. But just the fact that we finally had a weapon against them means something. Though James also told me that Cerberus was also after it, no doubt considering all the things the Illusive Man would to "help" humanity.

"So, you coming back?" asked James all of a sudden.

"No, not yet, James. Besides, I don't think anyone would welcome me aboard just like that, especially not the Council."

"Well, it was worth a try. But you should know that you're wrong. You have a place on Normandy, that will never change."

"And what do you know about that?" I scowled. He didn't know half the crew of the Normandy, let alone he didn't know me.

"You'd be surprised how much you'll learn from that Asari." he laughed. Of course, Liara can't keep her mouth shut, but that doesn't matter now, just to know that someone on the ship missed me made me happy. But I couldn't go back, not now, not before I did something to prove my point and loyalty. I knew that Kaidan still thinks I'm working for the enemy, leaving the Normandy and turning my back on the Council just made it worse. Garrus was one of those who believed in me, thought that my choice was right, we actually kept in touch after I left him in New York. He sent me a message right after, saying that he was sorry and that he understands, but he still believes I'll come back eventually, that I just need some time to sort things out. And he was right.

Liara didn't contact me, but as I learnt from James, she wanted me back on the ship. For the rest of the crew, they were all spread out, everyone was taking care of their own business, their own homes.

"Thanks for telling me, James. And if it's not too much to ask, could you keep me updated?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't turn me down. I'd hate to see that they'd think of him as traitor if they caught him sending messages to me.

"Yeah, I can do that. I could even send you a love letter if you want, Lola." he gave me a smile and winked at me.

"That's not necessary, but thanks, James." I laughed and shook his hand, while putting the cigarette out.

"Try to keep out of trouble, Lola." he shouted after me.

I turned my head back and gave him a wink. "No promises, James."

As I was leaving the bar, I thought about what Miranda told me, about Cerberus hunting its ex-members, wondering if Illusive Man had something planned for me as well. And maybe he didn't care about me, now that he knew I wasn't working for the Alliance anymore.

I rubbed my forehead, trying to make the pain in my head disappear. I was barely aware of the fact that I entered the elevator through the images circling inside my mind. It was happening again, their voices were ringing in my ears, Ashley, Thane, Presley, but some new voices joined the crowd. I recognized the voice of the Illusive Man.

"-mess, Shepard." I refused to open my eyes to the voice, thinking it was only in my head. But it got louder and clearer every second. "-you alright, Shepard?"

I opened my eyes to see a hologram of the Illusive Man himself right in front of my eyes. At first I thought I was making it up, but then another person came out from the corner and I wondered how come I didn't notice the man before I entered.

"Illusive Man would like a word with you." said the man dressed in black, with dark hair and typical Chinese features, but that wasn't the interesting thing. The interesting part was the sword on his back. I immediately grabbed my sidearm, just to take a grasp of the air, my weapon was gone.

"You won't need this right now." he raise the hand with my sidearm in it and I scowled. I was getting ridiculously careless.

"Shepard, I heard some news about your sudden leave from the Alliance and Normandy." this time it was the Illusive Man talking. "I'll be straightforward, I want you to work with me again. We can save the humanity together, Shepard."

Even though I could feel throbbing in my head, I laughed. "You're still as naïve as I remember you. I won't work for you ever again. My goal is not the same as yours."

"And what exactly is your goal? Stand in the back while the rest of the galaxy fights the already lost battle against the Reapers?"

"None of your damn business, Illusive Man." I replied. "Besides, what do you think you can accomplish? You won't beat the Reapers alone."

"But I'm not trying to beat them, Shepard." said Illusive Man and motioned something to the man behind his back. Before I could ask another question, the hologram was gone and only the swordsman remained.

The elevator stopped and the door slowly opened. I caught my sidearm in the midair and aimed it at the empty space, the man was also gone.


	8. Chapter 8

"Are you sure about this, Miranda? I never trusted him, but I'd never expect something like this from him." I said, my eyes fixed on the screen.

"That's why Cerberus chose him, so no one would suspect anything." replied Miranda, suddenly showing up on the screen where I just heard a conversation between Illusive Man and Councilor Donnel Udina.

"Salarian councilor knows about this, that's the reason for the attack on Citadel." Miranda continued with her explanation of the situation in a hurry. "Shepard, you must prevent the attack."

"I'm afraid it's too late for that." I said, hearing the sudden gunshots from outside. "But I'm gonna find the Salarian Councilor."

"Be careful, Shepard." said Miranda before she disappeared from screen.

It wasn't so long ago when I saw Illusive Man as a hologram, even talked to him. I should've asked better questions, should've known he'd plan something like this, maybe even join him, that way I could've prevented all of this. But yet again I made the wrong decisions.

Cerberus operatives were already here, killing everyone in their path. I managed to get to C-sec undetected, but the battle going on there prevented me from moving on. Fighting my way through, I found Bailey, wounded, sitting on the ground. With his help, we cleared the rest of Cerberus soldiers.

"I'm glad you were still here, Shepard." sighted Bailey, sitting behind the desk. He must've been in great pain, but he tried his best to hide it. "We need to find the councilors."

"I'll find them, just tell me where to look." I placed my hand on his shoulder when he started getting up and pushed him back into the seat. "You stay here and keep me updated on the situation."

"All right, Shepard. Head to the embassies first and-" he stopped and pushed a few buttons on a console. "Wait a second, it's Salarian Councilor. There's a message here warning about a betrayal in the council?"

"Yeah, it's Udina. I need to find them both." I said. "I'll keep in touch, Bailey. You stay out of trouble and contact Normandy."

"Yeah, yeah, it's not like I'm going anywhere." he replied and I ran to the embassies as fast as I could.

I found more Cerberus soldiers on my way there. For a second I wished that my crew was here. But I could at least hope they'd get here in time. Fighting without my armor proved to be difficult, not talking about how much time I had to spend behind cover.

When I got to the embassies, I was already out of breath. I took a look around, a lot of bodies were spread over the hall and on the lower level. Cerberus left no one alive.

"Shepard." whispered a voice near me and I instinctively pointed my gun towards the voice. But then a Salarian councilor appeared in front of me and I lowered my weapon, sighting in relief.

"Are you all right, councilor?" I asked, checking him briefly for injuries before he nodded. "Where's Udina?"

"You know about him?" asked the councilor, suspicious of my question.

"Commader Bailey of C-sec found your message." I hid the fact that I knew about the betrayal from Miranda, not wanting to cause any more harm to both me and Miranda. Right now, I needed the Councilor to trust me.

"He's with the rest of the council, we need to hurry."

"Lead the way, but stay close-" I said, turning around just in time to dodge the sword. I took a few steps back, moving closer to the councilor. I knew the man standing in front of me, I let him get away once. "Councilor, get away from here, I'll deal with this guy."

The Councilor nodded and backed away, the assassin took a few steps forward, but I stood in his path.

I had no armor, the weapon I picked from the Cerberus soldier on the way here didn't have much ammo left. Even though I aimed it at him, firing two rounds before giving it up, I didn't have enough to get through his shields. And he was aware of that, that smug expression on his face showed the outcome of our battle.

But I didn't need to kill him, only slow him down, hopefully, the Normandy or anyone else would get here in time.

He was getting ready, drawing his sword and surprisingly, he was taking his sweet time with it, enjoying the moment. But as slowly as he drew his sword, the faster he charged me with it, going straight for my throat. I dodged, but he was faster and with his free hand, he threw me across the room. I hit the glass window and flew out onto the lower level. For a second I noticed the Salarian Councilor. So the objective was to get us both, great.

I tried standing up, but the pain in my back stopped me from doing so. I moved back, hitting the table behind me, using it to get back on my feet. The assassin was already here, slowly walking towards me, smiling.

When I dodged another of his attacks, I managed to kick him back. He stumbled, but didn't seem to be hurt by it. I inhaled, ignoring the pain, and charged forward. The steel of his sword cut my cheek, but I didn't stop. With one hand I stopped his sword coming at me from behind and punched him into the stomach with my other hand. This time I managed to deal some pain to him. His sword flew out of his hand, he ignored that and caught my wrist, gripping them hard enough to break them. I held back a cry of pain when he pulled me forward and his foot buried into my stomach. I bent forward in pain, before he let go of my wrists and kicked me again, this time I hit the table behind me, causing another stab of pain to my back.

I rolled to the side, getting up on my elbows, coughing up blood. I could hardly breathe and my vision was blurry, I didn't see him coming. Another kick to my side turned me around, now I was lying on my back. It took only a second, but it seemed to me like eternity. It seemed like I had so much time to move to the side or stop it, but I couldn't move. I barely caught the blade before it completely sank into my stomach, gripping it even though it cut my hands, but at least it wouldn't kill me, or so I thought.

The pain was enough to make me go unconscious and he knew it, as he took the blade out. I turned my head just in time to notice that the Councilor was still in the room. I caught the assassin's leg, but it didn't take long and the dizziness caught up to me and even though I tried so hard to keep them open, my eyes closed and I fell asleep.

* * *

Just wanted to tell you all who are reading this story that I'll be away for a week so I don't know when the next chapter will come out, but I'll try to do my best and post it as soon as I return.


	9. Chapter 9

First of all, I know that this chapter is really short, but I wanted to post something as soon as possible because I feel like I haven't done that for such a long time. I came back on Monday, and I couldn't write anything while I was away. So this one is just a short preview for what's to come, well it's not really a preview...but there are some interesting things mentioned in this chapter.

And I want to remind you that this story doesn't follow the original Mass Effect story completely. There will be missions from ME3, but in different order and some things may change as well, I'm still not sure what though. And guess what's James' role in all this is going to be? ^^

* * *

My eyes slowly opened, adjusting to the light. I looked around before squeezing my eyes shut because of the pain in my body.

I was in hospital room, that much I could tell. But I had no idea how I got here or what happened. And there was no one here to tell me.

When I woke up again later, I could move without passing out as the last time. I felt a presence in the room and turning my head towards the silhouette, I barely recognized Garrus' face.

He pushed me back when I tried to sit down. I registered the pain in my stomach and felt as if the sword ran through me again. Getting up was probably not the best idea.

"Lie still Shepard, or the wound will open again." said Garrus, his voice soft, concerned.

I had so many questions, but when I opened my mouth, only a quiet mourn escaped from my lungs.

"You should rest some more, I'll come back again later." he gave my shoulder a light squeeze, but before he could leave I grabbed his hand, stopping him. His eyes met mine and he laughed. "Impatient as ever, Shepard."

He sat back into the chair next to my bed. "You saved the Salarian Councilor, Udina was taken into custody, but the assassin escaped, that's the short version, satisfied?"

I closed my eyes for a second. When I woke up though, Garrus was gone. I must've fallen asleep, again. And as much as my body screamed for me to lie down, I couldn't. When you're stuck in hospital bed for so long, you have enough time to think, about anything. And I did, realizing every mistake I made along the way, every shot of pain I caused myself and everyone around me. I couldn't save everyone, I could barely keep myself alive.

The memories of Akuze returned to me, I saw those soldiers, my friends, my family being slaughtered as I watched from the distance. They all think I was lucky that I got out of there alive, but that's where they're mistaken. I was a coward back then. I ran and hid, watching them fall, not doing a thing to help them. I was pathetic, no, I still am. I'm still running away from danger, from fear and pain.

Cerberus was in the middle of this all, Cerberus was my next and last target. Surely someone will be happy if they're out of the way.

"Where the hell are you going?" James Vega stood in front of me. Surprised, I made few steps back, stumbling on my feet. His arm caught me around my waist before I could fall down on the floor.

Our eyes met for few seconds, there were no emotions in his, only darkness. They resembled mine so much. I caught myself staring at him, but he didn't seem to mind it. He still held me as if I weighted nothing. I turned away, sitting on the bed before I fell again.

"Why are you here, James?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I'd come a lot sooner if I knew this would happen." A smirk appeared on his face, but noticing that I wasn't in the mood for jokes, it disappeared.

"No, really, Shepard, where did you want to go?" he asked again, not letting the question go.

"It's none of your damn business, Vega." I replied coldly, regretting my tone soon afterwards.

"You're right, it's not. So go ahead, leave." he made a step back to clear from the door. I looked at him, confused, and only to see what he was going to do next, I stood up. I stumbled again, but James didn't even move a muscle.

The path was open, there was nothing stopping me now and yet I just stood there, wondering where to go. I had a target, but no way of getting to it. I was stuck again.

"I need a drink." the words left my mouth before I realized it. I must've looked stupid, only a few days in hospital and I was already going out to drink.

But to my surprise, James slipped a hand around my waist, grabbed my wrist and pulled it around his neck. "I'm buying, Lola."


	10. Chapter 10

It's funny how you can clearly see the things that matters to us the most in the times of fear, pain and destruction. And I'm not talking about family or friends here.  
The bar was still the same as the last time I was here, Cerberus troops didn't change it, there were no signs of battle in here and more importantly, it was full of people and aliens either drowning their worries or they just didn't give a damn. Where was I? I was a category of my own.

James on the other hand, he was a book hard to read, even though he didn't seem like it. I spilled my story after the fifth glass, but his shields were still up and running, blocking any kind of interest in his past.

And while I was telling him everything that happened, every little detail that eventually led to my breakdown, he just sat there, listening. The flirting stopped when the truth left my mouth, revealing the dark past I was hiding so well until now. And I wasn't sure why I told him all that, it could have been anyone. But I guess I was afraid to tell them. I didn't want them to hate me, to see the worst in me.

What else was there to see in me, beside the cowardliness of my actions and the fact I lived a lie all my life? They all saw me as a hero, the survivor which I wasn't.

It all happened so fast. We were just on our way back to the ship when we felt the ground shaking. We couldn't tell what it was, but that question was answered for us soon enough, when a Thresher Maw flew out of the ground. Some of us dodged her massive body sliding across the dirt, but some weren't so lucky and only five of us reminded.

Fear overwhelmed me, I couldn't hold my weapon and I couldn't hear the orders of my superior, or I just didn't want to. I wanted to get someplace safe, I wanted to hide, close my eyes and pretend that none of this happened but it was right in front of me, tearing my squad apart. And for a single moment my teary eyes met those of my captain, they screamed instead of his lungs, screamed for help but I didn't provide any. I kept shaking my head in disbelief while backing away from the bloodbath and my eyes couldn't look away from his.

Even now I can see that look in his eyes, hope that I'd pick up my weapon and save his squad. But I knew it was too late and I'd only get myself killed. So I ran as I'm still running away from the past today.

My eyes met James' empty expression. Whatever he was thinking, he did a fine job in hiding it.

"Say something, damn it." I said quietly, tearing my gaze away to an empty glass on the table. I could feel it as he leaned on his elbows, studying my face. Maybe he couldn't believe it was true, maybe he didn't want to know that his hero was actually a cold hearted killer.

"I'm sorry." was all that he said. My wide opened eyes turned to him once again. I couldn't understand why he was apologizing.

"It must've been tough, Shepard, but I get it." he continued, but I shook my head, burying my face into my hands. "I don't know what I'd do, hell, maybe I'd run, too, or piss myself from fear."

James' drink spilled over the table when my fists hit the table in fury. "Don't fucking sympathize with me! I killed them!"

"You didn't-" his words were cut off when I stood up. I realized that James wasn't the right person to talk to about this and I regretted my decision of telling him. Maybe it was something in his eyes, maybe I saw something that wasn't there. I need to get out of here as far as possible, again.

But James grabbed my elbow, turning me around to face him. He was now on his feet, facing me with anger reflecting in his face.

"You didn't kill them, Shepard! It wasn't your fault!" he yelled at me, his voice steady. I shook my head, my mouth opened but no words came out. I tried to pull away from him, but it only made his grip tighter. "You ran, so what? It wasn't the best choice but it was the smart one."

"You don't know a damn about-" this time my words were cut off as his fist connected with my face. I couldn't hold my balance and as I tried, I grabbed the edge of the table, moving it to the side. Our glasses rolled down and shattered on the ground. I could hear someone scream nearby, but I focused on the blood that filled my mouth. I stumbled as I tried to stand up, nearly falling down on my knees again. James didn't help me this time.

There I was, kneeling on the cold floor, spitting out blood. If I could only go back to that moment, pick up the gun and get myself killed knowing I did something other than just stand there.

Tears filled my eyes, forcefully making their way out. A light sob escaped from my lungs and then another. I hated him, I hated James for making me like this. But on the other hand, he didn't go away. He kneeled in front of me, putting one hand on the back of my head, pulling me towards him. I cried pathetically, while all those around us watched. But James didn't mind it, he stayed by my side.

Of course I had to return to the hospital, though I wasn't sure how I got there because I think I passed out soon as my wound opened. When I woke up, James was still there and I got a chance to apologize for my behavior. He didn't accept my apology, saying that what I did wasn't wrong in his eyes. I could now tell that he had a story of his own to tell, but he didn't seem eager to do it.

When I told him about my plans finding Cerberus, he laughed. I wondered why but he was gone before I got an answer out of him. But that question was answered soon after, when Turian councilor came for a visit. He had a proposition for me, something that could make my hunt for Cerberus easier, though I didn't reveal my true intentions to him. I accepted rather quickly and laughed when he left, James knew this would happen.


	11. Chapter 11

"You expect me to work with someone I can't even trust, Councilor?" Alex Northway was clearly not happy with my new position of an "advisor" on the Normandy. But the Salarian councilor seemed to ignore all his complaints.

I watched the whole conversation with pure satisfaction on my face and couldn't resist a smile when the Councilor ended it with simple "You don't have a choice".

Newly appointed commander of the Normandy turned around to face me, his eyes were burning with rage. I shrugged my shoulders, moving out of the way as he stormed out of the communications room.

I congratulated myself on the first out of many upcoming victories in our duels and looked around myself once more. I couldn't quite believe how the Normandy has changed. The communications room wasn't the only addition, there was also a War room of some sort, which I didn't really pay attention to. I still couldn't think of myself as part of the crew, though Joker made it clear on whose side he stood the first time I came.

It was a great feeling, knowing that someone still appreciated my stay on the ship. There was James, of course, but I was trying my hardest to avoid him. I didn't have time to talk to Garrus yet, but when I walked pass him a while ago, he gave me an approving nod and a smile, that was good enough for me.

Kaidan didn't even look at me, which wasn't anything new and as much hurt as I felt, I didn't let it show on me. And Liara was glad to see me, just like before, she gave me a hug when she saw me.

But the one whose trust I appreciated the most at this time, was Urdnot Wrex, the Krogan who got me back on the ship, though many others tried and failed.

"Good to see you back in action, Shepard. I heard you had some, problems, with the Council." he said, traces of excitement in his voice.

"Yeah, what can I say, I couldn't let them order me around forever." I replied and Wrex laughed lowly.

I had an obligation towards Wrex, or you could call it an unspoken promise. When the Council told me that Krogans refused to help in the fight against Reapers, I knew I was the only one that could change their minds. I can't say the Salarian Councilor was happy with the idea of curing Genophage, but the councilor owned me.

In the end, the only one who wasn't happy was Northway, but neither I nor Wrex give a shit about what he thinks.

The mission itself was supposed to be easy. Salarians had no choice but to give us the last Krogan female and luckily, the one taking care of her was Mordin Solus, who helped me last time against collectors. He had no idea I wasn't with the Normandy anymore and Alex couldn't do anything to make Mordin talk to him instead of me.

In the end, we had female back on our ship and I couldn't help but wonder that the mission was far too easy, no Cerberus and no Reapers in the way. I shared my thoughts with Wrex afterwards, but he didn't care as long as he had a chance of curing the Krogans.

Talking to Alex would be pointless, he wouldn't listen to me and I was too proud and stubborn to even want to talk to him. And before I could try anyone else, I almost ran into Kaidan on my way to Mordin.

His eyes were cold as steel as he looked into mine, his expression showed just how little he cared about me, about my actions, but if he actually didn't care, he wouldn't be so cold hearted about it.

My lips curved into a wry smile, he didn't respond.

I gave up on trying to be nice. When I spoke, my voice was icy, "Don't worry Kaidan, I'll be gone as soon as we cure the Genophage."

When he didn't give any respond, I walked past him. But I didn't get very far.

"So you're going to leave again? Just like that, Shepard?" there were traces of anger in his voice. I turned around to only meet his back.

"What do you want from me, Kaidan? Do you want me to stay or to leave? I don't fucking get what you want."

"I want- I don't know, Shepard, maybe truth would be nice." he spun around. "Why did you leave?"

I sighed, "If you knew me, Kaidan, you wouldn't need to ask. No one else needs to, they all get it, it's just you, too stubborn to see what's right before your eyes."

"Or maybe they're just playing nice, Shepard, because they respect you, but I lost the little respect I still had in you when you left."

I opened my mouth but words failed me, only a soft laugh came out of my lungs, now here was an honest one. I wanted to shake my head in disbelief, make all of this just disappear, but I knew it wouldn't.

Kaidan may have been the only one to tell me the truth, to tell me what he really thought about me.

Eventually I nodded and shrugged my shoulders, showing how little I cared, lying to myself. Because no matter what I cared for my crew, I always had their backs, even if we weren't together. And what do I get in return? A cold shoulder, maybe it's exactly what I deserve.

I didn't make it to Mordin, changing my route halfway. I took the elevator to the lowest deck, the Shuttle Bay, expecting to be left alone. James' eyes met mine as soon as the elevator door opened. I made my way towards him without returning a greeting.

"What do you think about my leave, Vega? And tell me the fucking truth, I'm done playing games with everyone." My question surprised him but he wiped the surprise off with a shrug.

He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand before answering, "It was hasty, your decision, I mean, leaving just because they refused to see the truth. It's not like you to give up so easily. And trust me, I've heard a lot about you to know."

Nodding in approval, I turned to leave. My eyes immediately fixed on the opening elevator doors. Alex walked out with his head high and the usual smug expression.

"I think it's time for you to leave the Normandy for good, Shepard. You're not welcome here anymore."


	12. Chapter 12

"I think it's time for you to leave the Normandy for good, Shepard. You're not welcome here anymore." echoed Alex's words in my head as I stood in front of him, looking into his eyes with disbelief.

"What?" James' voice took me back to reality. His voice sounded angry.

"You heard me, Shepard. Get off my ship." Alex repeated his words, he still wore a smile on his face.

"First, this is not your ship, for what it's worth, it's Anderson's. Second, I'm here to ensure that the Genophage is here, I'm here because of Wrex." I was able to reply surprisingly calm.

"Urdnot Wrex will see that he doesn't have a choice if he wants to cure his people." he took a breath before continuing, "Anderson isn't here if you haven't noticed, he's fighting a lost fight on Earth instead of doing some good for the galaxy. At least we know where you got that loosing attitude of yours from."

I clenched my fists, biting my lower lip not to say anything. But I didn't need to, I let my actions speak for themselves. Without a warning, I tried to hit him, but unfortunately he grabbed my wrist before I could do it and spun me around. A wave of pain stabbed my wrist and I sunk to me knees, cursing.

James protested and I could see that he charged forward to stop Alex, but I yelled at him to stop. He looked at me, impatiently, but I shook my head.

"You saw it, Lieutenant Vega, she tried to attack me. I don't think it's wise to keep her on board, she could hurt someone in her condition." even though Alex didn't, it was clear from his voice that he wanted to laugh. He wanted to laugh at the sight of me on my knees.

He made me look like a mad psychopath, he'll probably proudly tell everyone about this, but I guess he won't mention how he offended Anderson. But that's exactly what he wanted, anger me so I'd act without thinking and that's what I did.

I freed my arm from his grip and rubbed my wrist, it hurt like hell, but I tried not to let it show. I inhaled deeply, "I'll go, just drop me off somewhere."

Once again, James opened him mouth to protest but I didn't let him, "It's for the best, Lieutenant."

Alex then left to tell the "good" news to Joker, I only wished to see his reaction, though I knew he didn't have a choice but to do as he was told. I walked away as well, ignoring James' just because I didn't want him to lose his place on the Normandy because of me.

"Shepard, where are we going?" Wrex stopped me on the way to my cabin.

"I don't know, Citadel maybe." I replied, wondering if Alex wouldn't rather drop me off on some deserted planet somewhere far away from him. I noticed the confused expression mixed with anger on his face. "Don't worry Wrex, you\re people will be cured, only it won't be my doing."

"I don't trust that guy, Shepard. I trust you, that's why I wanted you here."

"I know, Wrex. But if you really care about your people, it shouldn't matter who's gonna let out the cure."

He didn't say anything, because he knew I was right. I extended my hand and he took it after a moment of hesitation, gripping it tightly.

"Can I ask for a favor, Wrex?" I asked and he nodded, still holding onto my hand. "I'm going to save Earth, no matter the cost, but I can't do it alone. I'll need your help."

He nodded and pulled me closer to him, so only I'd hear the next part, "But if you don't show up for the fight, I'll find you and beat the crap out of you."

I couldn't hold back a laugh, "Oh, I'll be there, I wouldn't miss it."

As much as I wanted to say my goodbyes this time, I knew it would be pointless. I didn't want to feel bad about it, although it wasn't my fault that I had to leave. Hopefully, James will tell them the truth.

It quite funny actually, I was somehow starting to think I could stay, help them in any way I could to bring the galaxy together, even if I wasn't their commander anymore. But Alex played his next card, leaving me with nothing to hold onto. Only thing that remained was my hatred for Cerberus and Illusive Man.

The flight to the Citadel was long and lonely. I stayed bunked in my cabin the whole time. No one knew where we were going, no one except Joker but I bet Alex was breathing on his neck. They started to wonder only when we were closing on to the Citadel.

Suddenly, everyone was there, hardly believing anything they were hearing. Even Joker limped out from his chair to say goodbye and that sight hit me the most.

"He's right, I assaulted him, I have to go." I confirmed Alex's part of the story, without telling my own and with a glimpse of smile on my lips I added, "But I don't regret a thing."

My eyes met with Alex's empty gaze, he had what he wanted and even though he didn't seem to be happy about it. He must've realized that the Normandy crew wasn't considering him their commander. In their eyes, the leader was me, and I was leaving them in shit again.

"I'll see you all on Earth, all right?" I said and looked at every one until they all nodded and saluted. Liara walked out to me and gave me hug, holding back her tears. She was stronger now, I could tell, after all, she was the new Shadow Broker.

Garrus shook my hand with a smile, "We'll be there, Shepard and we won't be coming alone."

I nodded and patted his shoulder.

I had to promise Joker that I would stay in touch, though I wasn't sure I could keep that promise. Every member of the crew either shook my hand or saluted once more before I walked out. Kaidan didn't show up in the end, I didn't blame him.

As the door of the Normandy closed after me, I couldn't look back, I couldn't even turn around to see their faces for the last time. I could only take a deep breath, forcing the tears and sadness that enveloped me back.

For few long minutes I could only stand there and stare at humans and Turians walking past me. I blinked and shook my head, pulling myself back into reality. I opened the message I kept unanswered while I was on the Normandy.

"_I found my sister, Shepard. I might need your help. Meet me on Citadel." Miranda._


	13. Chapter 13

Have many people come here to find shelter, to find help and what they got instead, was something worse than death. Turned into husks against their will, with no consciousness to call their own, they were puppets of Cerberus, or Reapers, no one can really tell how the experiment worked out. Not that it mattered, because nothing will help these people anymore, not even a miracle.

I lowered my gun after killing another husk, another experiment of Miranda's father. My face showed no emotions, I was feeling confused, not able to tell what to feel. How could someone do this to them?

"I found him, Shepard." Miranda called out to me, "He's not getting away this time."

Miranda's eyes were burning with rage, she didn't have a problem with showing what she was truly thinking about this place, about her own father. It wasn't only her sister anymore, because the bullet that would pierce that sick bastard's head would mean freedom to all those who suffered under his hands.

But nothing was ever that easy and the way to ending this was a steep one. Before I could warn Miranda, the console exploded and sent us both flying backwards. I wondered why he was here. Did he know about Miranda's search for her sister? Or was it because of something else? I shook my head, releasing the thoughts.

My gun was all the way across the room and the injury in my stomach was starting to hurt again, as if it remembered the one that caused it.

"It's time to finish our fight, Shepard." his voice was so full of himself as always, I couldn't help but smirk. My eyes trailed the room, finding Miranda lying unconscious further away. My view was soon blocked out by his figure, his sword was pointing at my chest.

Without hesitation I grabbed its blade, ignoring the pain in my hand and the blood that was dripping on the floor. I pulled it towards me, taking Kai Leng with it. My foot soon found his chest and he stumbled backwards, releasing the grip on the hilt. I threw the sword to the side, refusing to use his weapon against him, since I wasn't in the mood to brush my knowledge of medieval era I've read so much about.

But my hand to hand combat was a different matter, because all that anger I felt when I failed to hit Alex for insulting Anderson was now boiling inside me, slowly finding its way to the surface. I was curious how does an assassin fight without his sword, but either way, I won't underestimate him again.

Not wasting a second, I charged forward, dodging his fist and landing a hit of my own below his jaw. He managed to stay on his feet, but not for long. I kicked him in the chest again and he fell back. Using his hands, he got back up, spitting blood on the floor. I couldn't resist a grin.

"Don't get cocky, this fight is hardly over." his lips curved into a smile. Determination is exactly what's going to win this fight in the end, but I was winning on that part.

What does he have to fight for? He didn't have to save the galaxy, twice. He didn't have to deal with fucking ignorant politicians who only get in the way, or with his own home getting smashed to pieces, he didn't care about any of this, but I did and I was here to take vengeance for everything that Cerberus have done, for my former teammates and finally, for myself.

For every face, every place and every memory that flashed in my mind, I was able to land a hit on Kai Lang, but in the end, he just laughed. I panted, with a victorious grin on my face. If he thought I was doing all this without a plan, he was wrong.

Before he could notice my intent, I dived and grabbed my gun from the floor. Kneeling on one leg, I aimed straight at his head, but for some reason I hesitated when I saw his smug expression.

They breached the door behind me and I looked over my shoulder, Cerberus operatives. The next thing I knew, a biotic wave hit me and knocked the air from my lungs. Pounding of my heart was the only thing I could hear, my vision became blurry and soon all I could see was blood as it poured down my face. I reached up to touch my face, my hand was covered with red. I tried to get up, but everything started spinning around me. The distant voices were saying my name, and Miranda's. I took a quick glance around the door before darkness took over and I fell back to the floor.

I woke up in a bed, with headache as if I'd been drinking for two days straight. The memories of the past day were whirling in my mind, mixing together. I tried to put everything together, when I did, I jumped out of the bed and stumbled, my hands slamming against the cold floor so I wouldn't fall. I squeezed my eyes shut for a second, before examining the room.

There was nothing familiar about it, I wasn't on the Citadel, I wasn't on the Normandy, but where the hell was I then? I had the same clothes on me, there still traces of blood, my blood, on it. My omni-tool was gone, as were my weapons and any equipment. The room had a bed and a nightstand right next to it, but there was only a glass of water on top of it.

I inhaled deeply before reaching for the glass. Somehow, I managed to get back on the bed and sitting on its side, I swept the rest of the room, only there was nothing else to see. My first thought was, that I was in prison. But then I remembered that we were being overrun by Cerberus operatives and Miranda, what happened to her?

I shook my head at the thought of her dead body still lying in that room, when the door slid open. Four Cerberus operatives walked in and motioned me to stand up. At first I wanted to charge them, make a surprise attack against four fully equipped soldiers, yeah, hell of a plan. But when I stood up, suddenly my body stopped responding and I dropped face down on the floor.

Two of the soldiers walked to me and put handcuffs on around my wrists, then pulled me up on my feet and they literally had to drag me out of the room. The rest of way was quiet. I didn't ask any questions, I only hoped they were taking me to see their boss.

I recognized the room as soon as they dragged me into it. Illusive Man's room, his sanctum with the man himself was sitting on a chair in the middle of it. The chair turned around and revealed Illusive Man, smoking his cigarette and looking down at me.

"I drugged your water, Shepard, the only way to make sure you'd cooperate." he said before anything else and I let out a hoarse laugh.

"You're so old school Illusive Man, drugs, and handcuffs, what's next, you're going to let your hounds attack me?"

"Do not be mistaken, Shepard, I have no intention to hurt, as long as you cooperate."

I frowned, "Yeah, you said that already, what's the catch?"

"We can save the Earth together, you only have to trust me." his voice was proud and determined.

"That's all? No blood oath?" I joked. "Alright, I'm saying no, so what now? Wait, actually, I have a suggestion, give me a gun."

The Illusive Man gave out a low laugh, followed by a sigh, "Think it through, Shepard. You don't have many options."

"No, I have one, kill you. Does that work for you?" The icy look that he gave me sent shivers down my spine, but I didn't flinch. I waited so long for this moment, to face him, and here I was, pathetically kneeling in front of him, unable to move.

"Oh, commander Shepard is finally on her knees, what a beautiful sight." An awfully familiar voice sounded behind me and I froze in shock. I couldn't turn my head around to face him, but I felt him walking around me. Soon, he stood right in front of me, blocking my view. I lifted my eyes to meet his cold stare.

"You son of a bitch, Northway, I swear I'll kill you for this." I cursed but he only laughed, crouching down.

"And what exactly can you do right now?" he asked and gave an answer right after, "Not a fucking thing."

And he was right, I couldn't do a thing to him or Illusive Man. I was caught in their little game, not able to tell anyone about Northway's betrayal, nor was I able to kill Illusive Man. And one question still remained unanswered, what exactly had Illusive Man in mind by cooperation?

* * *

It took a bit longer to write the new chapter, but I guess it turned out alright in the end. I hope you'll like and I'd appreciate your opinions on the story so far and if you have any ideas for the story, you can share them and who knows, maybe I'll use them. And I don't know when I'll post the next chapter, maybe you've noticed that I'm working on another Night Huntress story because my sister asked me to, so I have to write both and still have my original story that I'm putting together, so please bear with me.

And as always, thanks for reading.


	14. Chapter 14

My muscles were starting to ache from the lack of moving, the drug was wearing off. But for the time being, I was still stuck with Illusive Man and Northway in the same room, two men I hated were right in front of me and I couldn't lay a finger on them.

The Illusive Man explained his idea of cooperation to me, which was rather simple, join his little army and help him control the Reapers, although Northway seemed to have a better plan, kill me and be done with me. I liked his version better, because no matter what would Illusive Man try to offer me, I could never work for him again, not after everything he's done.

We were using each other to stop the Collectors, but I never learnt where his base was. Now I was right in it, staring into his empty eyes. Mine blazed with hate and disgust for this man, and yet I kept getting the idea of using him again in my head. I tried to ignore it, tried to shove it to the back of my head, but just like in the past, I was still too much of a coward to die.

"Why me?" I asked, ignoring all the thoughts in my head. "Can't someone else help you? I'm sure there are others you can threaten."

He put out his cigarette before answering, "That weapon your team recovered, I believe you know about it."

I nodded, or I tried to, the drug's effects were taking their time to wear off.

"It won't work without the Catalyst, but your team doesn't know that and I want to keep it that way. But you and I, Shepard, we can use it to take control of the Reapers." he sounded so ambitious and yet there was so much ignorance in his voice.

"Do you really think you can control them? What if you can't, what then? My team is bringing the whole galaxy together, they can, no, they will stop the Reapers."

"Even with the whole galaxy joined together, Reapers can't be stopped."

"You don't know that." I was already yelling before I realized it and for some reason it sounded like I wanted to push my own doubts away. The Illusive Man's lips curved into a smile because he was well aware of it. He could read me like an open book.

"Take Shepard back to her cell." Illusive man motioned to Northway who nodded and followed behind my guards as they dragged me away. He didn't even try to hide his superior attitude. When I managed to turn my head around, I saw him walking proudly with his head high and it pissed me off so much I only wished I had biotic abilities so I could smack him into the nearest wall.

We were back in the same room where I woke up. The guards pushed me in and waited outside while Northway watched me as I struggled to get on my knees. My hands were shaking and most of my muscles were still inactive.

"You're so pathetic Shepard, you always were. I know all about the failure you are, abandoning your own men in combat, who would've told. But don't worry," he said, leaning closer so only I could hear him, "I'll make sure your former comrades knows and hate you for it as they should long time ago."

I didn't realize I could move until I backhanded him and fell back, wiping blood from his lips.

"I hope you enjoyed that, because you won't get a second chance." he noted angrily and walked out of the room. The door behind him closed and locked. My fist hit the ground, partly from being angry and partly from trying to get the feel in my hand back. That feeling of helplessness was something I didn't want to feel ever again, only this time I couldn't even run away from it, I couldn't pretend it didn't happen. Because I was locked in Illusive Man's prison, trapped in his little sick game of playing the God and couldn't do shit about it.

With the next hit, a I felt a stab of pain in my hand and when I lowered my gaze, there were traced of blood on the floor, great, now I'm being suicidal. I slowly got up and stumbled towards the bed, lying on my back.

My options were limited to two, an escape that would lead to my unavoidable death, or joining sides with Illusive Man and that son of a bitch Northway. Honestly, the first option sounds like a nice idea, but I'm done with playing a coward. If there's something I've learnt from saving the galaxy, twice, it was not giving up. I'm not the same person I was before, I'm not helpless anymore, except the fact I'm on illusive Man's base with no way out.

I rubbed my eyes and focused on the second option, helping Illusive Man, or at least pretending. He said the weapon won't work without the Catalyst, but right now I didn't even know what that is, hell, I barely know what that weapon is all about. But I bet he'd tell me everything about it, just for the pure satisfaction of the fact, that I can't relay the information to anyone.

From its name I can tell it's meant to boost the weapon or something similar and hopefully it will be enough to wipe out the Reapers. Only Illusive Man's idea is a bit different, he wants to control them but why would he need my help for it? Well, I guess it doesn't really matter as long as I'll get close enough to the Catalyst.

With my mind set on the task, my eyes closed, followed by what seemed to be an endless nightmare of Earth blowing up to pieces, with me in the middle of the damn thing. I woke up covered in sweat to a sound of alarm raging in the hall. My door opened soon after that.

"Get the prisoner to Illusive Man and get back in the hangar, we need to deal with the intruders." I heard one of the guards say and the next thing I knew, I was being dragged through the hall again with my hands restrained. Cerberus operatives were running past us in the opposite direction, some of them barking orders and all of them were carrying their weapons. Cerberus station was under attack.


	15. Chapter 15

I was tempted by the idea of escaping my two guards, but held that thought and let them drag me across the hall again, but at least this time they didn't drug me. Not that I put up a fight or anything, which didn't bother anyone since they were more distracted by the whole attack.

There were two groups that came to mind when thinking about the attack, Normandy or Admiral Hackett. Or maybe both, joining forces was would be a smart decision. So even if I wanted to escape, judging by my current situation, both sides would probably kill me on sight. Well played, Emilia, after friendly goodbyes from my crew, I go off and join Cerberus.

Confronting Illusive Man was my only choice, now more than ever since I was already only a few steps from his ship. I settled between two guards, shifting into more comfortable position. Illusive Man was sitting on the opposite side, his face showed no emotions as he studied me for answers.

I averted my eyes, more from frustration and annoyance than from the lack of confidence in my "brilliant" plan. We sat in silence for a long time, until suddenly Illusive Man stood up and joined the pilot. Thanks to the ship's small construction, I had a clear look of them. As soon as Illusive Man looked out of the window, his face lit up with enthusiasm of a little kid.

I tried to position myself for a better view outside, but what I saw made me seriously doubt Illusive Man's sanity. The Earth was burning and as we drew closer towards the cities, I noticed destroyed buildings and riots on the streets, it was a horrible sight. Suddenly the ship pulled up, revealing a massive structure of the Citadel for few seconds before landing on the ground.

My head was lowered, my eyes watching the ground rather than the destruction around us as we moved towards the bright beam of light. My hands were no longer cuffed, I followed Illusive Man without a sign of disobedience. Maybe it was my own curiosity that drew me towards the light of the Conduit, but I felt a need to touch it, to walk into it and see what it does, or where it leads, although that part was clear, the Citadel. I only used the Conduit once and we were in Mako, but experiencing it on my own skin was different, tempting.

But Illusive Man was driven with something else, something more addictive, his hunger for power. Just watching him made me shiver, while I only wished to satisfy my curiosity, his plan was to control the Reapers, control the galaxy, it made me sick.

Walking closer to the light of the Conduit made me push all the thoughts about Illusive Man behind. I moved with hesitation, the beam of light no longer seemed such a good idea, but when he noticed my sudden change in pace, he glanced back at me with cold eyes that shone with unnatural blue. I backed away, but his fingers wrapped around my forearm, pulling me after him and when I tried to jerk away, his grip tightened, revealing strength he couldn't posses.

The light wrapped me in its bright silk blanket and I instinctively closed my eyes. An invisible force pulled me up, tensing all muscles in my body. It seemed to take forever, my insides were screaming from the unnatural movements and the light threw us out, I felt an urge to throw up.

I ended up on my knees, slamming a hand on my mouth, swallowing hard. Illusive Man was on his feet and he seemed to be doing fine. He didn't even look back at me this time, he didn't wait for me to get on my feet. I rolled my eyes at him and got up after a few unsuccessful tries.

My eyes couldn't resist sweeping the area, burning the image of every death body they've seen. After a while, I wrapped my hands around my arms, rubbing them so the cold feeling would vanish, but was only worse, and the face I still didn't wear my armor didn't help. After all, wearing armor would make me feel safer, but since I wore military issued clothes, I didn't feel safe at all.

And no, the irony wasn't lost on me. I still wore those clothes even though I didn't think of myself as part of the military anymore. But wearing Cerberus clothes wouldn't put my mind at ease either. They didn't very bother by my clothes back in the Cerberus headquarters, though Illusive Man gave a sarcastic look first time we met face to face.

So I was stripped from my only defenses, without a gun or knife to defend myself with, I was beginning to like the plan. I didn't fail to notice that the only gun in our little group was Illusive Man's and I eyed it every now and then, just to make sure it was still strapped to his waist.

A strong light in front of us made me forget about my unfortunate situation and I stopped in my tracks when Illusive Man slowed down and spread out his arms with a devilish hoarse laugh.

"Isn't it magnificent? Just look at it, hear it call to us." he said slowly, enjoying every word. I took a quick look around the hallway.

"Sure, these dead bodies are sure to be remembered." I replied with sarcasm and lowering my voice, I added, "Freak."

"Soon we will gain control of the Reapers, together we'll be ruling the galaxy, and humanity will no longer be kept in the shadows." he spoke with pride and undying devotion towards humanity. Surely his intentions were understandable, but the lines he was willing to cross were getting thin, the image of his future would without doubt backfire at him.

I didn't answer, only followed him in silence. When we reached a dead end, a round platform with a console at the far, he leaned against it and watched the galaxy as it struggled against the Reapers. I watched it from behind Illusive Man, wondering where the Normandy was at. When I didn't see it, I only hoped they were still alive.

We were standing there quietly for good half an hour, the sight almost made me forget why I was here in the first place and Illusive Man didn't seem bothered by the delay in the slightest. Not able to bear the silence for any longer, I asked, "What are you waiting for?"

He inhaled deeply before answering, as if tasting the air. "For my leverage."

I opened my mouth to ask him about it, but a familiar voice behind me tensed every muscle in my body, leaving me in shock.

"Shepard." Anderson's voice was weak and showed hints of surprise, mixed with anger and exhaustion. I turned around slowly, my body still not recovering from the shock of hearing his voice, and now seeing his bloodied uniform as he was slowly closing the distance between us.

I shook my head, trying to tell myself that he wasn't actually here, he couldn't have, not him. But then logic took over and it all made sense, I almost laughed at his stubbornness and endurance. Then I realized how this whole situation must've looked to him and as calm as I could, I called his name.


	16. Chapter 16

I shook my head, trying to tell myself that he wasn't actually here, he couldn't have, not him. But then logic took over and it all made sense, I almost laughed at his stubbornness and endurance. Then I realized how this whole situation must've looked to him and as calm as I could, I called his name.

"Anderson." I was glad to hear my voice was still calm, considering the mess I was in.

He managed to give me a half smile, though I couldn't tell what he was thinking. Did he consider me a traitor or an ally? I guess I was about to find out.

"I'm glad you could join us, Anderson." Illusive Man turned around to face us both, and only now I had a chance to notice how much has his face changed. It weren't only his eyes glowing with unnatural color, his whole face was now covered with what seemed like modifications.

"Illusive Man, I figured you'd meet you here." Anderson spoke with difficulties, as he walked over to my side. "And you, Shepard, I knew you didn't give up."

My heart started beating faster as I heard him say it, I had to turn my gaze away. My eyes met with Illusive Man's, he studied my face, probably trying to figure out on whose side I was. I inhaled deeply, shifting my hardened gaze back at Anderson.

"No, I didn't give up, but I'm not fighting the Reapers either. You see, Illusive Man has found a better way." I said, my voice cold as ice. Anderson shook his head with a laugh, but I didn't show any signs of humor. I even joined Illusive Man's side for effect.

"Shepard." Anderson's voice was now soft, quiet, it hurt to hear him say it like this. It felt exactly as the last time we spoke, so much disappointment. But I shrugged my shoulders and turned to Illusive Man, whose lips twisted into a smile.

"It seems I no longer need a leverage to get you on my side, Shepard." Illusive Man pulled out a gun from the holster on his tight and handed it to me. "Kill him and we can continue with our plan."

I hesitated, slowly wrapping my fingers on the gun. My heart raced even faster, I felt like I could pass out any moment now. The gun felt familiar in my hand, I felt safe with it again and when I aimed, a sudden rush of adrenaline burst in my veins.

Anderson also pulled out his gun and aimed it me, in mere defense. I took a few steps to the side, as if finding the right position, putting a finger on the trigger. "I'm sorry." I managed to say slowly, "But I have a plan of my own."

With one swift movement, my gun was now pointed at Illusive Man, my finger was itching to pull the trigger, but I couldn't. Illusive Man laughed out loud, I tried to shot him, but my hand wouldn't move, I couldn't move.

"What have you done?" I asked in a low voice. My body didn't feel like mine anymore, my hand turned on its own, right back at Anderson. I saw the confused look on his face and the effort he put into turning his gun at Illusive Man.

"You never believed that I could control the Reapers, well, here's your proof. I can control your mind and I will control the Reapers in the same way. I knew you wouldn't understand my intentions, but I am doing this for us, for humanity. We will finally be free, we won't have to listen to anyone, and no one will be able to control us." Illusive Man spoke highly of his plan, while pacing around the room.

"Look at yourself, Illusive Man. You're already one of them, their controlling you, not the other way around. You're insane." I said angrily, still trying to pull my arm away.

Illusive Man gave out a maniacal laugh, "No, you don't understand, you never will understand. You're only in my way." At that moment, my finger was starting to pull the trigger against my will. My eyes were fixed on Anderson and for a second, I saw my old captain, begging me to safe him.

"Kill him!" yelled the Illusive Man and I closed my eyes as a single gunshot echoed in the room. My body shook uncontrolled, my eyes stung from the tears that were trying to come to the surface. Another laugh sounded, coming from Illusive Man. I slowly opened my eyes just in time to see Anderson drop on his knees, his gun fell from his hand, and his eyes reflected determination.

"And now, the last obstacle." said Illusive Man but I couldn't put his words together, my vision was blurry, but I noticed that he changed position and held Anderson's gun in his hand now. He was going to kill me, too. And there nothing I deserved more than death.

I closed my eyes again. My hand hurt like hell, I could feel the bones in my finger crack from the effort. Another gunshot echoed, I braced for the pain but none came. I released the grip on the gun and it fell from my hand at the same as I opened my eyes. The gun hit the ground without a sound, or at least I couldn't hear any. But it wasn't the only thing that fell down.

"No." a single word escaped from Illusive Man's lungs. My eyes were fixed on him as he dropped face down on the floor. Light smile touched my lips, my gaze shifting to Anderson, whose body rose up and down as he took in breaths. I managed to focus long enough to know, that to do next.

In instant I turned on my heels and ran towards the console, my hands worked on its own as I pushed a few buttons and only hoped that the Catalyst worked. Without a moment's hesitation, I ran back to Anderson, picking up the gun along the way. I wrapped my arms around him and get him up.

"Leave me here, Shepard." he whispered, but I ignored him. Shifting myself for better balance, I started walking towards the Conduit. Anderson's body was heavy and it was getting worse with every step I took, but I refused to leave him.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have doubted you." he managed to say. I tried to force him to keep quiet, but he wouldn't listen. "You made me proud, child. You always made me….proud, Shepard."

"Don't talk, Anderson. We're almost there, hang on." I replied, pulling his arm around my shoulders before I could drop him on the floor. I could already see the light far ahead, I picked up our pace. "I'm sorry too, Anderson. I shouldn't have left, I was too big of a coward. I couldn't handle the responsibility anymore, I didn't want to. But I'm back now, I won't run anymore, we're going to finish this, together."

He snorted, but kept quiet. My lips curved into a smile. I dragged him towards the beam and walked right into it before Anderson could say anything more. The light dropped us out, I fell face down on the ground. I got up on my arm and looked around in horror.

Dead bodies were scattered all around us, bodies of humans and aliens alike. I shook my head, it didn't matter now, the weapon was again, the Reapers were….I raised my head towards the sky and noticed that shuttles were flying above us back and forth, but no one was shooting.

"Anderson, we did it." I whispered with relief, but when I didn't get an answer, I used my remaining force to crawl where his body lied, covered in blood. I turned him around, his eyes were closed, his body was still and no matter how hard I shook him, no matter how loud I called his name, he didn't respond.

My eyes were burning again, full of tears that I didn't hesitate to let fall, but my cheeks were wet long before I decided to cry. Soft sobbing soon turned into cries of desperation and anger. I didn't even notice them land, but when I lifted my gaze, they were all there, running towards me.

I wiped my eyes, biting my lower lip so I'd stop crying long enough to explain, but even when they reached us, no one asked questions. When alliance soldiers came to take his body, I only managed to watch them leave, before burying my face into my hands.

Their voices reached me after a while, but I don't know how long it took for me to respond, or move. It was James' voice that echoed in my hand, he was the only one to still call me "commander" after all this time.

"-commander, you have a war to win!" his voice sounded angry, I shot him a cold look as I stood up. I trailed the crowd of people watching me in silence. Another long moment passed, but my mind was completely blank. Then, just for a second, I saw Anderson, heard his voice as he said "you made me proud".

I closed my eyes and opened them after ten seconds, "What are you standing here like memorial statues for?! Don't you have jobs to do, lives to safe?! I want to see every available gun in that fight _now_! We have a war to win." With my last words I turned to James, and although his amused grin made me want to punch him, there were still husks and other monsters lurking around.

"Aye, aye, ma'am." sounded in the crowd and I watched their backs as they ran towards enemies. Only James remained in his place. Our eyes met and I couldn't help but laugh.

"What's so funny, Lola?' he asked, holding back a laugh himself.

"This whole situation, it's fucking ridiculous." I laughed again.

"No shit, I mean, who would've knew, right?"

I nodded and gripped my gun tighter, my eyes focused on the battlefield in front of me. I motioned James to move, he saluted and ran over to the others, with me right behind him.


	17. Epilogue

"_-and with the whole galaxy under reconstruction, many things are slowly beginning to change. Many species are coming together to help each other, just like during the Reaper War, when gathering all races saved Earth. But many of us still wonder, where is the hero of galaxy? Emilia Shepard, former commander of Normandy who managed to save us once again is missing and not even-"_

"Turn that shit off, Jerry." I glanced at the barman with cold eyes and he nodded with a grin and turned the screen off. He then handed me a beer and returned to his job, though I could still see that light grin on his lips, because he was one of two people in this bar who knew where "Commander" Shepard was.

I turned my head to meet James' amused stare, "Well, Lola, you got what you wanted, some peace and quiet, finally."

"Yeah, no shit, James." I nodded with a sigh. There was hardly anything else I wanted, the Reapers were dealt with, Illusive Man was dead and Cerberus was buried. There was peace in galaxy, but how long will it last? But none of that was my problem now.

I raised the glass, "Well then, congratulations James, you're N7 now." The reason I agreed to meet him in the bar in London was his promotion and although I couldn't be his training officer, since I was no longer in Alliance, he was happy to go down the same path as me. Well, he was in for a nice surprise.

James lifted his glass as well with a laugh, "To us and those like us,"

"Damn few." I finished his cheer and took a long sip of beer. James was one of those whom I kept in touch, after all, he was N7, a soldier like me. He didn't tell anyone that they asked him to join, he waited all that time until I came back, until they found me on Earth.

Not long ago I heard from Garrus, he was helping on Palaven and he was finally reunited with his family. He and Tali somehow got together while I was gone, and although they both had to take care of their homes first, they kept in touch every day. Liara also returned to her hometown, like she always wanted but I haven't heard from her in a while.

Krogan were back in full strength, but thanks to Wrex being the leader of their clan, they try to help other species rather than starting another all out war. And he has his hands full with Krogan babies, too, at least they keep him busy.

Kaidan still hasn't forgotten about my "betrayal" but at least we got to talk about it. He was always stubborn, and I still don't mind it, after all, he was the only one to really tell how he felt about all those things that happened. He stayed on Normandy, he was the Commander now, and I wouldn't want anyone else on that position. We have our differences, but he was a damn good leader. Most of the crew was used to him, so it was a win for both sides.

And as for the former commander, Alex Northway, he disappeared as soon as the Reapers were destroyed. But I won't stop until I find him and kill him, because this was my mission now, my last mission. I owned it to Anderson and to everyone who was betrayed by him. I owned it to myself.

* * *

This is the end, finally I must say, but I really enjoyed writing this story, it was interesting. And I really want to say a big thank you to all of you that read my story. My biggest thanks goes to **CyanB**, I'm really gratefull for all your reviews. So I hope you liked the ending, it was a bit different from the official one, but I wanted to make it interesting and without that creepy little kid.

And if any of you are wondering, Northway got what was coming for him in the end, after all, Emilia Shepard was a bounty hunter for a short while, she has her fine share of experience tracking people.

So thanks again and now i can finally focus on my other story from Night Huntress.


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